I recently finished a book called I’d Rather Eat Chocolate by Joan Sewell. The book accounts the author’s struggle through married life with her low libido. She goes tries about a bijillion different things suggested by various sexperts from television, books and magazines looking for the magic answer for overcoming her low libido.
To be completely honest, I’ve noticed a certain amount of decrease in my own libido since having my youngest child. This decrease has concerned me quite a bit, so when I saw the book sitting abandoned on the library’s .25 cent cart I figured it would be worth a read.
I appreciated the funny and painful honesty of Joan’s story. Though I felt for her, her struggle with a low libido and mine are vastly different. I used to have a higher libido and going into my marriage Husband and I were clear with what we expected of our bedroom life. That was not the case for Joan and her husband. She covered up her low libido or how low it actually was from her husband before marriage so that became to be a surprise for him when it was uncovered.
I could relate with some of her views on certain aspects of what went on behind closed doors. And though, I haven’t read Men are from Mars, as she did, but I can say that I would likely agree with her after hearing her take on the book. I found myself laughing and nodding along with the parts I agreed with her on. She some how put exactly into words what I’d been struggling to find words for in the past.
I felt as though she came away with a bit of a shameful and judgmental attitude towards women that do have a high libido. She talked about these women as if they were basically a unicorn, mythical and a figment of men’s wild fantasies. She goes on that the empowered sexual woman is just that: a fantasy brought forth by men, and not by women. Though I don’t agree on that point she does bring up a valid double standard of women that are basking in their own personal sexiness in a professional setting is alluring, yet it is just plain creepy if a guy were to do it (IE: an older women wearing sexy undies under her business suit not giving a hoot that her boss has berated her for a poor job performance.)
Her view on porn… I don’t even know where to begin. I vastly disagree on how she blew up on her husband when she discovered his porn stash. She accused her husband of basically cheating on her. She also has the opinion that only women in porn are women that are being exploited. I’m not saying that there aren’t, but blanket statements like that are irritating and inaccurate. I guess by the time she brings up porn in her book I have more than a little sympathy for her husband. I also know a couple clothing-optional models in real life, and I know from them that they are modeling happily. A good photographer wouldn’t make the model do something that she is uncomfortable with.
I came away from the book kind of torn. It ends on a happy note that her and her husband have found a compromise that they can both live with. That is probably the best take away that I can give this book. I wonder though, if either the author or her husband could be entirely happy with the compromise that was struck. It is important though for two partners find the right balance for what is and is not acceptable in the bedroom. But after the prior 200 pages of endless unsuccessful attempts at making sex even bearable for the author, I wonder if what was settled on would have endured the test of time for her.
Anyways, it was an interesting read, but I think when it is all said and done, it was not what I was looking for. But maybe would be good for another person concerned with her own low libido.